I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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