is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
