Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
