i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
