DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Bring me that man meat
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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