you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
