Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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