next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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