A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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