I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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