im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
