Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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