Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize