nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
