I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
