I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sorry about my life...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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