You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
