ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
