she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
