I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
