So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
