if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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