She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
