She is in my trunk
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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