he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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