And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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