Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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