I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
