It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
