i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
