I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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