Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The air taste purple.
Randomize