dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
