Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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