Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
