I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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