Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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