We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
