threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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