apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
