I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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