you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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