just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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