how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
