It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
