I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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