before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
