Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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