Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
