we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
