All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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