I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
