Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
