dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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