i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
