i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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