New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
