My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
