watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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