From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Panties = found
Randomize
