Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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