It's like God shit irony all over that family
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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