he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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