Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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