His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
