maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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