So gin and wine won't be happening again
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
