Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He passed out mid-signature
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize