Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
