im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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