If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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