ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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