I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
