Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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