My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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