everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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