i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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