I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
