Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
