that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
