I'm sorry my penis didn't work
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
