guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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