I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
