Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She even gives head with a lisp.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
