I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize