Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
