imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
