Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize