she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
