If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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