your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
