Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
