saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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