Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
