does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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